Description sharpens the image.
Ty, a defensive back, was only a few yards from her. Abrahams?
It was twilight, that time of day when shadows grow long and the lights start to fade and a dog's eyes can play tricks on her. -- Ann M. Martin, A Dog's Life (2005a)
Joey was in their grade, a big pudgy kid with a cowlick that stood up at the back of his head like a blunt Indian feather. -- Peter Abrahams, Down the Rabbit Hole (2006)
Ingrid passed the beam acros the room, a furnace room full of shadows, cobwebs, newspaper stacks, junk.
-- Peter Abrahams, Down the Rabbit Hole (2006)
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Does this piece have too many appositives, or does it work?
From The Dragon's Child by Jenny Nimmo p. 29
The bird, a small brown sparrow, flew up to the highest point on the cliffs, bare rocky crags, and watched, intently, the mysterious, strange and unrecognizable, craft. Before it, the craft, had reached the beach, a long stretch of brown sand, it stopped moving, and the creatures, strange things, inside leaped into the sea, a calm and deep blue body of water. They were very noisy, these humans, bipedal creatures, they shouted and splashed throught the water in a clumsy and untidy way.
