Self-Starter:
1. Mark this passage to show editing corrections that should be made. (There are about 22.)
2. List below ways the student who wrote this could revise it to make it better.
the time we went two splash mountain
We drove to california and went to disneyland we got our tickets and went in.
We got on splash mountain I felt nervous. When the ride started up I got really nervous. I could here people screaming. I was really really really scared, but soon it was over. i felt closer to my dad because of that. After that we went and ate hamburgers. I ate alot of fries to. I will never forget that trip!!!!!!!
The student could make this better by. . . .
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| http://disneyland.disney.go.com/disneyland/splash-mountain/ |
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Remember that MyAccess does not like contractions, so do not use them.
Remember that MyAccess does like it when you use words from the prompt in your essay.
MyAccess likes it when you use paragraphs -- several paragraphs.
MyAccess likes it when you use transitions. As a result,. . . Finally, . . . In addition to, . . . . See the chart in the computer lab.
MyAccess likes it when your story has a beginning, a middle, and an end.
MyAccess likes it when you use description and dialogue.
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Bring your ARMS and fingers
A.R.M.S. Revision Strategy
And Fingers for Writing with Sensory Images
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this post originally published 3/27/12
