These are supposed to be actual statements found on insurance forms on which car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words possible:
* Coming home I drove into the wrong house and
collided with a tree I don't have.
* The other car collided with mine without giving
warning of its intention.
* I thought my window was down, but I found it was up
when I put my head through it.
* I collided with a stationary truck coming the other
way.
* A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's
face.
* The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a
number of times before I hit him.
* I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my
mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
* In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone
pole.
* I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my
way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up,
obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
* I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep
at the wheel and had an accident.
* I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble
when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
* As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly
appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I
was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
* To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I
struck a pedestrian.
* My car was legally parked as it backed into another
vehicle.
* An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car
and vanished.
* I told the police that I was not injured, but on
removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
* I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the
other side of the road when I struck him.
* The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran
over him.
* I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he
bounced off the roof of my car.
* The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in
a small car with a big mouth.
* I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I
was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
* The telephone pole was approaching. I was
attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.
And these are newspaper headlines collected by columnists and posted on the Internet:
Police arrest everyone on February 22.
Federal agents raid gun shop, find weapons
Missippi's Literacy Program Shows Improvement
Threat Disrupts Plan to Meet About Threats
Man Accused of Killing Lawyer Receives New Attorney
-- from www.huffingtonpost.com
More:
1. Something Went Wrong In Jet Crash, Expert Says
2. Police Begin Campaign To Run Down Jaywalkers
3. Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4. Drunk Gets Nine Months In Violin Case
5. Survivor Of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6. Farmer Bill Dies In House
7. Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
9. British Left Waffles On Falkland Islands
10. Lung Cancer In Women Mushrooms
11. Eye Drops Off Shelf
12. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
13. Reagan Wins On Budget, But More Lies Ahead
14. Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
15. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus [a famous golfer] to 66
16. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Ax
17. Plane Too Close To Ground, Crash Probe Told
18. Miners Refuse to Work After Death
19. Juvenile Court To Try Shooting Defendant
20. Stolen Painting Found By Tree
21. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
22. Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years In Checkout Counter
23. Killer Sentenced To Die For Second Time In 10 Years
24. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
25. War Dims Hope For Peace
26. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
27. Cold Wave Linked To Temperatures
28. Enfields Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide
29. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
30. Deer Kill 17,000
31. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
32. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge
33. New Study Of Obesity Looks For Larger Test Group
34. Astronaut Takes Blame For Gas In Spacecraft
35. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
36. Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Needy
37. Arson Suspect Is Held In Massachusetts Fire
38. British Union Finds Dwarves In Short Supply
40. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
41. Local High School Dropouts Cut In Half
42. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
43. Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
44. Deaf College Opens Doors To Hearing
45. Air Head Fired
46. Steals Clock, Faces Time
47. Old School Pillars are Replaced By Alumni
48. Bank Drive-In Window Blocked By Board
49. Hospitals are Sued By 7 Foot Doctors
51. Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
