Thursday, January 14, 2010

Examples of Writing About Theme -- For your Book-of-the-Month Assessment

Below is a student paper from MyAccess that earned a 4.   You can look at papers that earned 1, 2, 3, 5, and 6 if you go to this assignment and click on Reference, then on Writer's Model.   At the top of the page, click on the number for the score you would like to look at.  A six is the highest score you can receive.  The papers scored 1 and 2 would show you what not to do.

Here is the paper that scored a 4:

       The theme of Shakespeare's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" is true love always prevails.  I think this because when a situation like Hermia and Lysander's is looked at, it is easy to see that they stayed together through thick and thin.  In the end they became a happily married couple, and everything turned out fine.
       Helena stayed devoted to Demetrius no matter was he did or said to her.  This is because whe had true love ofr him.  Even though Oberon seemed to be cold-hearted with his situation regarding Titania, he turned out to be sympathetic.  When he saw noticed Helena's plight, he thought he would help her out.  He told Robin Goodfellow to find the flower and anoint Demetrius' eyes.  Although, it may have taken a few tries to get it right, he did it.  By doing this he was also helping Lysander and Hermia with there situation.   So they both became perfect couples.
    When Duke Theseus was on his hunting trip, he found the four lovers.  He noticed that they were  all in love.  This gave him the idea to invite them to join his wedding.  His actual speech was, "These couples shall eternally be knit, and, for the  morning now is something worn, our purposed hunting shall be set aside, away with us to Athens; three and three, we'll hold a feast in great solemnity."  Even though Egeus didn't agree with Theseus' idea he had to live with it.  Hermia certainly lucked out with this, because it would usually be unheard of at theis time for a girl to decide who she married.  Luckily for her the Duke could change the law.  I think that is proof that true love will always prevail.
     When events such as these occur, it shows a person's capability for true love.  Helena's devotion was an example of this.  This is why I think the theme of this Shakespearean play is: True love always prevails.

 
1. The title of a play should be italicized instead of using quotation marks.
2. Student errors have been left in the paper.  
3. Egeus is Hermia's father who tried to hard to keep her and Lysander apart.  
3.  There shouldn't be a colon after "is" in the last sentence. 

And this one scored about 5.


       A theme of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream is “true love always prevails.”  This theme is illustrated through four different couples in the play. Though each pair had obstacles to their relationship, by the end all are happily married couples.

    The royalty of the play, Duke Theseus and his bride-to-be, Hippolyta, had overcome obstacles to true love before the play begins.  Their countries had been at war.  He tells her, “
        Hippolyta, I woo'd thee with my sword,
        And won thy love, doing thee injuries;
        But I will wed thee in another key,
        With pomp, with triumph and with revelling.
They had progressed from being enemies to being in love and both looking forward to their wedding “With pomp, with triumph and with revelling.”  True love had prevailed.

    Much of the action of the play centers on two young couples whose loves, some perhaps not so true, create complications in the play, and obstacles to true love prevailing. As the play begins, Helena loves Demetrius who is in love with Hermia.  Hermia, meanwhile, loves Lysander who also loves her, but her father wants her to marry Demetrius.  Sound complicated?  These complications drive the plot and provide humor.
   
    Though Demetrius does not love Helena, she stays devoted to him, following him even into the dangerous forest.  Her persistence eventually pays off, after many trials and adventures, as he realizes he loves Helena, not Hermia.  In Act IV, Demetrius explains,
        my love to Hermia,
        Melted as the snow, seems to me now
        As the remembrance of an idle gaud
        Which in my childhood I did dote upon;
        And all the faith, the virtue of my heart,
        The object and the pleasure of mine eye,
        Is only Helena. To her, my lord,
        Was I betroth'd ere I saw Hermia:
        But, like in sickness, did I loathe this food;
        But, as in health, come to my natural taste,
        Now I do wish it, love it, long for it,
        And will for evermore be true to it.
True love prevails as Helena and Demetrius will “for evermore be true” to each other.

    Also, at the beginning of the play, Hermia and Lysander’s love is blocked by her father’s objections.  He would rather she die than marry Lysander.  They run away together, followed by Helena and Demetrius, and while in the forest, both of the young men come under a spell that makes them think they love only Helena.  Poor Hermia is hurt and confused when the two men who had loved her both insult her and treat her as if she is nothing, while they praise and seek Helena, who is also confused and sure they are only making fun of her.   But by the end, the spells are undone and Duke Theseus on his wedding day overrules Hermia’s father and even shares his wedding day with the young lovers:
        Egeus, I will overbear your will;
        For in the temple by and by with us
        These couples shall eternally be knit.
For Hermia and Lysander, true love triumphed over magic and over her controlling father.

    The spells on the young men (and other magical spells), were cast by fairies.  The king and queen of the fairies, Oberon and Titania, are also having relationship problems.  They are arguing over a young boy both would like to have in their courts, but by the end they have resolved their quarrel and their love has prevailed over their stubbornness – at least for the time being.  They are there at the end of the play to bless all the couples for whom true love has prevailed.
        Now, until the break of day,
        Through this house each fairy stray.
        To the best bride-bed will we,
        Which by us shall blessed be; . . .
        So shall all the couples three
        Ever true in loving be;
For the four couples in Midsummer Night's Dream, true love prevails ever, and the play ends happily. 


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     The first sentence of this essay presents the claim to be supported in the essay, that "A theme of Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream is 'true love always prevails.' "
    Notice that the introduction includes a statement that sets up the organization of the essay. The rest of the essay is going to tell about how for four couples "True love prevails."
    The following paragraphs explain how true love prevailed for each of the four couples.
    The last paragraph shows the fairy couple blessing the other three, wrapping up the idea that true love has prevailed for all four couples.