Add words, phrases or more information to help make your points clear and easy for the reader to understand. (See page 57 in our Prentice Hall Writing and Grammar book. See the "Student Work in Progress section on that page.)
Add transition words, phrases or sentences to tie your thoughts and paragraphs together. (See page 60 in our Prentice Hall Writing and Grammar book. See the "Student Work in Progress section on that page.)
Remove words that repeat themselves and information that does not relate to the main idea of your paragraph or to the topic of the composition. (See page 58 in our Prentice Hall Writing and Grammar book. See the "Student Work in Progress section on that page. Here the student author both removed and substituted words. See also page 59. Notice which sentence is removed in the Weeding Paragraphs graphic.)
Move around words, phrases, sentences or even whole paragraphs in order to keep your ideas clear and flowing toward a logical conclusion.
Substitute words with more exact words or phrases that express what you want to say more clearly. (See page 58 in our Prentice Hall Writing and Grammar book. See the "Student Work in Progress section on that page. Here the student author both removed and substituted words.)
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Here's an quick list a student made for a memoir he was going to write about a trip to Disney World:
We drove to Disney World.
We bought tickets.
We got on the Splash Mountain ride.
We felt nervous.
The ride started up.
I could hear people screaming.
I felt so close to my dad.
In a second it was over.
Later we ate hamburgers.
Of course he ADDED detail to the essay.
When he REMOVED, he took out the crossed-out parts. We got on the Splash Mountain ride.
We felt nervous.
The ride started up.
I could hear people screaming.
I felt so close to my dad.
In a second it was over.
When he MOVED around parts, he moved this:
We got on the Splash Mountain ride.
We felt nervous.
The ride started up.
I could hear people screaming.
In a second it was over.
I felt so close to my dad.
When he SUBSTITUTED, he used more effective words, phrases and sentences.
He changed
to "
to "This was it. There was no turning back. As the well-greased wheels pulled slowly up the track, my grip on the steel bar across my lap tightened. . . . "
He turned a few lines into an essay with six short but effective paragraphs.
See page 154 of Write Source 2000 for the rest of the story.
Back to Revision with ARMS
