Friday, June 19, 2015

Hyperbole and Yo Mama!

So FAT. . . . 



Yo mama's so fat, I had to take a train and two buses just to get on her good side.

Yo mama's so fat, people jog around her for exercise.

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears high heels, she strikes oil.

Yo mama's so fat, her blood type is Ragu.

Yo mama's so fat, her picture fell off the wall.

Yo mama's so fat, her college graduation picture was an aerial shot.

Yo mama's so fat, she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu, and says "Okay."

Yo mama's so fat, she even orders "Thank you, come again."

Yo mama's so fat, when she brought her dress to the cleaners they said, "Sorry, we don't do curtains."

Yo mama's so fat, when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Yo mama's so fat, when she sits around the house, she sits AROUND the house.

Yo mama's so fat, she can't even jump to a conclusion.

Yo mama's so fat, when she talks to herself, it's a long-distance call.

Yo mama's so fat, if she weighed five more pounds, she could get group insurance.

Yo mama's so fat, the post office gave her 2 zip codes.

Yo mama's so fat, she was floating in the ocean and Spain claimed her as a new world.

Yo mama's so fat, she went to the movies and sat next to everyone.

Yo mama's so fat, her shadow weighs 2 pounds.

Yo mama's so fat, she jumped up in the air and got stuck.

Yo mama's so fat, she puts on her lipstick with a paint-roller.

Yo mama's so fat, she went to get a tan and the sun burned out.

Yo mama's so fat, she wears a VCR for a beeper.

Yo mama's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes on a picnic in the mountains, bears hide their food.

Yo mama's so fat, I swerved to avoid her in the road and ran out of gas.

Yo mama's so fat, she has to take a bath at Sea World.

Yo mama's so fat, when she backs up, she beep.

Yo mama's so fat, they had to grease a door frame and hold a Twinkie on the other side to get her through.

Yo mama's so fat, she's taller lying down than standing up.

Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says, "One at a time, please."

Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says, "To be continued...."

Yo mama's so fat, when she steps on a scale, it says, "Please step out of the car."

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a red dress, kids yell "Kool-Aid!"

Yo mama's so fat, when she wears a yellow raincoat, people call her "Taxi!"

Yo mama's so fat, when she went to the beach, Greenpeace tried to drag her back into the ocean.

Yo mama's so fat, when she walks across the room, she's gotta make two trips.

Yo mama's so fat, when she goes to the beach, no one else gets a tan.

Yo mama's so fat, they had to change "one size fits all" to "one size fits most."

Yo mama's so fat, you have to take three steps to see all of her.

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell down the stairs, I didn't laugh but the stairs cracked up.

Yo mama's so fat, her cereal bowl came with a lifeguard.

Yo mama's so fat, when she gets in an elevator it HAS to go down.

Yo mama's so fat, she needs a sock for each toe.

Yo mama's so fat, she eats Wheat Thicks.

Yo mama's so fat, she gets her toenails painted at an auto body shop.

Yo mama's so fat, she was born on August 6, 7, and 8.

Yo mama's so fat, she doesn't have a forehead; she has a fivehead.

Yo mama's so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

Yo mama's so fat, she left the house wearing high heels and came home wearing flip-flops.

Yo mama's so fat, she put on a sheet for Halloween and went as Antarctica.

Yo mama's so fat, when she was lost they had to use all four sides of the milk carton for her picture.

Yo mama's so fat, she has to use a boomerang to put on her belt.

Yo mama's so fat, she was hit by a bus and said," Who threw the Twinkie?"  -- Owen N. 

Yo mama's so fat, when she's going someplace her belly button arrives fifteen minutes before she does. --Matthew C. 



So OLD! 

Yo mama's so old, her birth certificate expired.

Yo mama's so old, I told her to act her age and she died.

Yo mama's so old, her social security number is 23.

Yo mama's so old, when she was in school there was no history class.

Yo mama's so old, Moses is in her high school yearbook.

Yo mama's so old, she knew Burger King while he was still a prince.

Yo mama's so old, she remembers when the Dead Sea was only sick.

Yo mama's so old, she used to babysit Yoda.

Yo mama's so old, when she was a child, rainbows were black and white.

Yo mama's so old, she went to an antique store and they wouldn't let her leave.

Yo mama's so old, she forgot her purse on Noah's ark.